I cannot keep count of the people who have called me asking me to help them with their divorce and telling me they are married to a narcissist. They always ask me, “Have you ever dealt with a narcissist before?” My immediate and, unfortunately, the sad answer is, “Too many times that I can’t even describe.”
Divorcing a narcissist can be emotionally draining and complex. Narcissists thrive on control, and the divorce process may feel like an uphill battle. In this blog, I will discuss common signs of narcissism and how to protect yourself during the divorce process.
What Is Narcissism?
According to psychologist Dr. Ken Lewis, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition that is characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a need for constant admiration. While not everyone with narcissistic traits has NPD, those who do often create toxic, manipulative relationships that are hard to break free from.
Signs You Might Be Married to a Narcissist
If you’re unsure whether your spouse exhibits narcissistic traits, here are some common signs to look for:
- Excessive Self-Centeredness: Your spouse expects everything to revolve around them and may become distant or angry if their needs aren’t met.
- Lack of Empathy: They dismiss or belittle your feelings and needs, showing no care for your emotional well-being.
- Manipulation: They use gaslighting or guilt-tripping to control you, making you doubt your reality.
- Need for Validation: Constant praise is required, and they may lash out if they feel ignored or unappreciated.
- Blame Shifting: Narcissists never take responsibility and often blame you for their mistakes.
- Idealization and Devaluation: They’ll put you on a pedestal at first but later tear you down, leaving you emotionally drained.
- Hostility or Aggression: They react with hostility, aggression, or emotional outbursts when they feel challenged or threatened.
- Grandiosity: They believe they are better than everyone and deserve special treatment. They may exaggerate their accomplishments or claim to have exceptional skills.
Challenges of Divorcing a Narcissist
Divorcing a narcissist is no easy feat. These individuals will stop at nothing to maintain control over the situation. Here are some common challenges you may face:
- Emotional Abuse: Narcissists often refuse to accept the end of the relationship, leading to prolonged emotional manipulation.
- Financial Manipulation: They may hide assets or drag out the process to maintain control over finances.
- Custody Battles: Narcissists may try to manipulate custody arrangements to retain power, even using children as pawns.
- Prolonged Litigation: They may delay the divorce to maintain control and increase your stress.
How to Protect Yourself During a Divorce from a Narcissist
- Stay Calm: Narcissists thrive on drama. Keep your emotions in check to avoid giving them control.
- Keep Documentation: Save records of all interactions and financial information, especially if there’s manipulation or abuse.
- Avoid Arguments: Keep communication factual and direct. If necessary, have your lawyer handle interactions.
- Work with a Professional: Partner with an experienced attorney who understands narcissistic behavior to guide you through the process.
- Know Your Rights: Familiarize yourself with your legal rights to ensure you’re prepared for the divorce proceedings.
Conclusion
Whether a contested divorce or uncontested divorce, divorcing a narcissist can be challenging, but with the right preparation and support, it is possible to regain control and move forward. Understanding the signs of narcissism, recognizing the challenges you may face, and preparing yourself emotionally and legally can help you navigate this difficult journey.
Remember that you don’t have to go through this alone. Working with an experienced attorney such as Debbie Cohen of Cohen Law, who understands the dynamics of narcissistic relationships, is essential to protecting yourself and securing a positive outcome. If you’re ready to take the first step toward a new chapter, don’t hesitate to reach out to me for a complimentary consultation today. You deserve to be free of the toxicity and begin healing on your own terms.
I am conveniently located in Northbrook, Illinois, and practice in all of Cook and Lake counties.
